Go Joes!: G.I Joe Retaliation Review

Posted: April 11, 2013 by VerryJerry in Movie
Tags: ,

So with a prepared mind-set I saw took a chance at this movie. I can tell you this, if you’re a fan of GI Joe you will be thoroughly entertained, which I did. If you’re not, then you may or may not like this film depending on how much you are expecting. Directed by John Chu(of the Step Up series fame and now chosen director for the Masters of the Universe remake) this is a complete a dumb but stupid loud fun package of a film.

Anyway the general plot was that the Joes are framed for stealing nuclear warheads from Pakistan by Zartan(played by Arnold Vosloo or The Mummy guy) who is impersonating the President of  United States (Jonathan Pryce who is clearly having a ball in that role).

That said there are spoilers in this review, though not many and many quite obvious. The first major spoiler and I’m going to tell you this right now, even though it you probably might know. Nonetheless if you feel the need of a wanting to skip this whole part go ahead then right now because Duke Dies. Yep. There you go. Duke. One of the most popular and main protagonist of the series. You’re not even going to like the way they killed him which I’ll have you know was not in the middle or in the end. No, it was in the first 20 minutes into the film. Boom. Just like that. And you know what? Given that the last movie he was terrible (well the whole movie was terrible) I wouldn’t have given a wampa’s ass if they killed his character, even if he was Duke. However given the writers had been changed for the better(but still not great and they were Zombieland writers!) they had scenes developing the chemistry between Roadblock played by Dwayne ”The Rock”Johnson, so you were actually given some investment time to care. For a little bit at least.

Duke and Roadblock

Anyway now that’s cleared off, a military strike wipes out the Joe hidden encampment issued by Zartan himself. Roadblock, Lady Jaye(Adrianne Palicki who is eye candy with guns) and Flint(DJ Cotrona who looks like a bit like Nathan Drake from Uncharted) survive the attack and vow to clear their names and avenge their losses.  Deducing somehow with deduction skills that are just embarrassingly hilarious Lady Jaye proposes that the President might be an imposter(her role is almost dumbed down which is totally cartoony but then this based of a cartoon that is based of a toy…Ohhh)

Nathan Drake anyone?

Meanwhile while on that is going on Storm Shadow (played by Byung-Hun Lee, yeah don’t bother asking how and why because neither will the film tell you and it’s Storm Shadow)and ex-Joe Firefly (played by well casted Ray Stevenson) rescue Cobra Commander (nope Joseph Gordon Levitt- he’s Batman remember?) from an underground maximum-security prison in Germany

Upon learning that he is alive, the Blind Master (RZA yep you  read that correctly, you’re either going to cringe or cry with laughter), leader of the Arashikage Clan, sends Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and his apprentice Jinx (debut by the pretty french actress Elodie Yung), Storm Shadow’s cousin, to capture Storm Shadow so he can answer for the murder of his uncle, the Hard Master.

Step Up on the Himalayas

Which brings us to the highlight of the film which is the best 20 minutes of you will ever see.  The whole scenario felt like it was directed by somebody else.

Honestly, there a mountain top action sequence with ninjas. I won’t spoil as to why that sequence is there but it was a pleasant surprise and perfectly entertaining scene in a G.I Joe movie.

Back in the USA the three Joes try to get the assistance of General ”Joe” Colton the original and founding father of the G.I Joe(played by the rather under used Bruce Willis) after concluding the President is Zartan, they devise a plan of counter attack on the summit where Zartan plans to reveal Cobra Commander’s master plan and Cobra to the world. Despite  being peppered with corny dialogue, discarded logic and giant plot holes left unexplained, Retaliation does promises on explosive set pieces, non stop action along with some funny one liners intentional and the non intentional and old school GI Joe cartoony of a good time.

Rating: Seems legit…

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